Proverbs 28:13 says, “Anyone who hides their sins doesn’t succeed. But anyone who admits their sins and gives them up finds mercy.”
These were God’s words to me during my time of wandering. Over and over God brought them to the forefront of my mind. He was trying to get me to do the right thing. He wanted me to give up my sin. But I ignored him. Until he exposed my sin and I made a fool of myself.
In the end, God had his way. He moved my temptation into a different zip code altogether and sin found me out as my admirer confronted me about my marital status.
My heart sank. My hope for happiness was squashed to bits and pieces in what would be our final conversation together. It was the last time I saw him.
I had been certain God would somehow work this guy into my future. Surely he wants me to be happy. My feelings deceived me into believing God would give me what my flesh wanted because everything felt good and right. What a fool I was!
Yet God is full of mercy. He offered me a way out of sin because he loves me and my family, although it didn’t feel like love at the time. His correction felt like punishment. I questioned God’s goodness and believed he was withholding happiness from me. So I writhed in agony.
I wept hard that night and scribbled in my journal through swollen, sorrowful eyes.
The next morning, I had a chance to see him one last time. But I didn’t take it. Not because I didn’t want to.
The flesh part of me desperately wanted to look into his eyes and hear his voice a final time. To have the memory of him edged in my mind. But the Spirit of God living in my heart wouldn’t let me go. He knew exposing myself to temptation again would lead me further into sin against Him, my husband, and the young man my heart had wandered towards.
I fought through the pain of my emotional break-up in the following weeks and months. I questioned whether I should have gone back to say my goodbyes.
Maybe things would have turned out differently if I hadn’t stayed away. Maybe not. I’ll never know.
But I’m thankful God steered me onto the right path. I don’t regret the decision to give up my sin. In doing so, I found God’s mercy and received a renewed love for my husband and my family.