Every good story has a hero who comes to make things right. My story is no different. Except the hero who brought order into my chaos is no ordinary man. I can’t wait to tell you about him! But first, let’s get back to my story.
My last year at Penn State was saturated with prayers to a God I did not yet know. Please bring me a good guy who will know how to love me, God. What is wrong with me? I can’t do anything right. I am a failure and a disgrace to my family. What is the point of living? It is better for me to die than to live with humiliation. I hate myself.
I don’t frequent the clubs as much during the days of my final semester. Finally, I meet a decent guy at work. My heart wants badly to believe he is different than the other guys. But he isn’t. I made up my mind then, to change my way of living.
Later, I lie in bed alone but not lonely. I’m confident I made the right choice.
It is December 1993. I graduate from college and move back home. This is my opportunity to have a fresh start. I want to begin anew and live differently, God. Please help me change. I am hopeful things will get better soon.
A few months later in May 1994, I start my first job at LCBA. The first day of work I meet a shy, but nice young man. He is different than the guys I had met in college. And he goes to church! I am impressed because I want to know more about God. He isn’t my type, yet I’m drawn to him for some reason.
We quickly become friends. He is sweet, kind, gentle, decent, and the nicest guy I’ve ever met. Scott and I start seeing each other, mostly at work. A month into our courtship, he talks about marriage and I want to run. I haven’t told him about my past and don’t plan on telling him about it. Ever.
But God has a different plan. He knows I need to heal and to do so, I have to tell my story. It is easier to open up my heart than I had imagined.
Deed after dirty deed, I tell my story. Every ugly and filthy detail of it. Afterwards, I want to crawl into a hole and hide. I expect Scott to condemn me. I am certain he will run away. But he doesn’t. Instead, he tells me about the forgiveness of God and how his Son Jesus, died to clean me of my sins and make me a new person. I need only accept his forgiveness and believe he died to save me from a life of sin.
I have never heard about Jesus until now. How can he forgive me of all my sins? I can’t believe God still loves me with all my faults. My mind can’t fully understand, but my heart desperately wants to believe. I want to be free from the shame and guilt of my past. I want the new life he offers. A couple months later, I decide to place my faith in Jesus. I don’t understand the implication of my decision, but gradually I feel less shame and guilt. And I let myself believe that God loves me.
You see, God heard my prayers even before I believed in him. He not only gave me a good guy, but one who was sexually pure because I turned away from the promiscuous life. He gave me a man who has never judged, belittled, or hold my past against me. Scott truly sees me as God’s new creation, cleanse from the filth of my past because Jesus died to free me from a life of sin. His love nursed me to spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical wellness. I am forever changed because a follower of Jesus cared enough to tell and demonstrate his love to a lost and wounded soul. Now, I live to do the same for others.
The hero in my story is no ordinary man. His name is Jesus. He saved me from destroying myself and turned my chaos into order. Jesus made things right for me not because I am deserving, but because he deems me worthy of His kindness, grace, mercy, and love.
Friends, Jesus is the hero of your story too. He wants to give you a life filled with joy, peace, and fulfillment. Let go of the old you, put your faith in him and he will make you brand new. I promise you won’t regret it!