Ten years flew by just like that. People told me it would happen. I just didn’t believe them.
March 8, 2008 was the beginning and the end for me. It was my entrance into motherhood and exit out of the “paid” working world. What an unpredictable ride it has been in the past decade!
Isaiah turns ten today, and he is taking it harder than I am! He was sitting in my writing nook yesterday, deep in thought. “What’s on your mind hon?” I asked. He answered, “Oh, I’m just thinking about all I want to do on my last day being 9. I won’t be in the single digits anymore after tomorrow night.”
The boy knows how to make his momma tear up :(. So, I gave him an extra school day off to enjoy his last day being 9. What can I say? I’ve mellowed a bit since his kindergarten days :).
Isaiah’s thinking stirred my thinking too. His single digit years blurred through my mind. I thought of how I could have done things differently.
If there is one thing I regret most as a mom, it’s being too hard on my boys. Especially on my firstborn. My controlling tendencies combined with a bent towards structure and organization has its side-affects. Unfortunately, Isaiah has been on the receiving end of my madness. I’ve come to expect more from him than his age can handle. I should have relaxed more and be present in the moment, to enjoy each phase of his life instead of rushing his maturity. How I wish I could rewind and re-do the last 9 years! I’d definitely push less and love way more. But, all I have is the present.
And in the present is where I’ll begin. Thankfully, God has opened my eyes to see the errors of my youth. It’s what happens when He is a part of your life. You talk to him and he helps you out. He gently corrects you and shows you how to align your failed practices with his right way of doing everything. His grace helps you let go of stubborn, harmful habits and gives you the encouragement to do things significantly better. God continues to show me the essential thing is to love my family by being present in the present. He’s helping me to focus on loving, instead of hyper-focusing on trivial things like order and control.
So with each passing age, I’m learning a simple truth: All I have is the present. I’ve failed many times as a mom, but I can’t live in the past. I can learn from my failures without replaying mistakes to beat myself up over and over. And I can’t worry about how I will mess up the boys with my blaring issues still beckoning work. The future in not in my control. But, I can influence the present in a positive and healthy way as I allow God to work in me to change unfruitful habits.
All I have is the present. I can be present to guide, to teach, to nurture, to love. I can be present for and with my sons. Because the present is really all I have. For the past is gone and the future is not guaranteed.
All we have is the present. Literally. Moment by moment. Even in the mundane.
How fitting of God to bring the following verse to my mind as we celebrate our ten year old today ❤. From the book of Isaiah chapter 43 in the Bible, God tells us to forget the former things and not to dwell in the past. He says, “See, I am doing a new thing!” Friends, God is doing a new thing for us in the present! If we beat ourselves up over past mistakes and are consumed about what will happen next, we can’t be present in the now. And if we can’t be present, we can’t enjoy our present life as we should. We will miss out on precious…present….moments which can never…..be brought back.
Therefore, I encourage you to live as if all you have is the present. Because the present IS truly all you have!